In this corner, we've got A.C. Douglas making the entirely arbitrary claim that a work must have a "coherent, sustained musical narrative" in order to be music.
Note: what he means is, he has to be able to perceive and understand the musical narrative. The composers he dismisses out of hand this week are Cage, Babbitt, Stockhausen, Glass, Reich, and Riley, a fascinating assortment of composers. He almost seems to be lumping Cage and Babbitt together, in fact!
Just noting that there's obviously a lot of Riley he hasn't heard.
Here's my personal definition of music: it's organized sound moving in time, typically organized by one or more of harmony (in the larger sense), rhythm, meter, timbre, form, or melody.
Just because you don't understand or like a particular style or composer doesn't mean it's not music.